1.18.2013

Fair Weather Friend

I have never been a very nurturing person.  When somebody I love experiences hardship - even if it's just a cold - I tend to turn and run.

Far.

Fast.

I've tried analyzing why I do this.  A lack of nurturing as a child?  Overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness?  Because I'm an ass?

A few times in my life, I have pulled through for friends or family members.  I have brought a few meals, stayed in a few hospitals, cleaned a few houses and held a few hands.  But my tendency to bury my head in the sand far outweighs any positive actions I've managed to put forth.

This weekend, I have a very close friend recovering from surgery, a very close daughter recovering from the flu and a plethora of very close others dealing with varying degrees of misfortune.

I'd like to say that I've showered them all with love and affection  That I'm there for them - a solid rock of reliability amid a sea of despair.  (And painfully revealing hospital gowns.)  But I am not.  I have run.

Far.

Fast.

It isn't like I'm hiding in the basement, horking down cold pizza and scratching my lamentations into a worn out composition book.  Because that would be lame.

If good intentions counted at all in life, I'd be a rock star.  But love, from what I've heard, is based on more than good intentions.

I need to say more.
I need to do more.
I need to BE more.

I need to step outside my comfort zone and reach back to the people who have proven themselves to me again and again.

And I will do this!

But . . . I think I'll reach out for one more slice of cold pizza, first.

2 comments:

  1. I know you love me, its just hard, because w all love you and miss your presence, but we know you care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now pish posh you say. Do you really run? Fight or flight, it is one of the choices...not everyone can handle all those situations. If you eant to start small, i will take an outing every now and again. Hint hint

    ReplyDelete