My Socks Smell Like Chocolate

A good portion of my life has involved keeping things hidden.

  • Family secrets.
  • Relationships.
  • Abuse.
  • Alcohol.
  • Mental illness.
  • Drugs.
  • Scars.
  • The truth.
  • Myself.

Which is why I have a difficult time hiding anything these days.  There is an incredible sense of freedom that comes from having nothing to hide - even if it comes by choosing to hide nothing!

I was recently cautioned that I ought not to be so forthcoming online.  Future employers could run across my posts and find me unfit for work.  I see the wisdom in this.  My current employers would NEVER have hired me had they known I was fresh out of a mental hospital and wildly unstable.  But they did.  And it has been the best thing for me!  Work has provided me with a focus and stability I never could have achieved on my own in such a short amount of time.  And in return,  I have proven to be a work horse, stretching above and beyond their expectations.

But there is the unsettling fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  What if I pursue teaching?  Or any career involving children?  Could my choice to live candidly become an obstacle to my future dreams?

Yet I  hesitate to pull down this blog or censor myself on Facebook.  These online outlets have brought me through the toughest challenges of my adult life.  And perhaps this is wishful thinking, but what if . . . . in some minuscule way . . . I actually made a difference in somebody else's life?  What if my words and antics inspired somebody dealing with similar issues?  What if the light from my tiny little corner of the blog universe reached and comforted somebody who is still struggling to keep so much of herself hidden?

As scary and unsettling as many of my issues are - I am not alone.  And neither are you.

So I will continue to live openly, honestly and loudly unhidden.

Even I have my limits, however.  I will also continue to hide my chocolate stash in the sock drawer.

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